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Joke of the Day

"Watching police ticket people parked incorrectly that are in church right now and understanding that Jesus and karma have a sense of humor"

"Fish Cakes A guy walks into a bar with a Salmon under his arm and says, ""Do you sell fish cakes here?"" Bartender: No we don't. Guy: That's a shame... it's his birthday."

"Smoke alarms are really just toast alarms."

"I feel sorry for kids today but mostly because their cartoons are terrible."

"Doctor Doctor you've taken out my tonsils my adenoids my gall bladder my varicose veins and my appendix but I still don't feel well. That's quite enough out of you!"

"I'm no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales."

"Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID"

"What do a silver medalist and a child molester have in common? They both came in a little behind"

"""Fiona, You up?"" -Shrext."

"My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last."