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Joke of the Day

"The MAIN reason why I don't let my Girlfriend play my X-Box!! ... I don't have a girlfriend."

"What's up? Some movie about an old guy and balloons."

"""Dad, lil bro pooped on the floor!""nMe: Ok, just like we practiced. I'll hide in garage, you go tell Mommy. This convo never happened! GO!"

"How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb? None - They just have a nursing assistant do it."

"What a weekend...trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night."

"You don't see much in a small town ... but what you hear makes up for it. [Source](http://www.dougwils.com/Chrestomathy/no-kidding.html)"

"Money may not buy happiness, but pondering your problems on a tropical island would sure beat pondering them on your couch."

"An American and a Finn are drinking in a bar... After an hour, the American says ""ahh, this is good beer."" The Finn says ""Are we drinking or talking?"""

"Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane"

"Misty's boss says to her: ""You've been late to work for 5 days straight! You know what this means, don't you?"" ..... ...to which Misty replied ""I SURE do! It means today must be FRIDAY!!!"""