21975

Joke of the Day

"You ask me if I'm drunk? Well just spent 10 minutes looking for my phone using the flash light app on my phone."

"If you bump into someone at the grocery store and say goodbye, there's a 99 percent chance you'll see them in every single aisle after that."

"What kind of snake is good at building things? A boa constructor."

"Your husband's super cute, is he single?"

"Following my vasectomy my urologist told me to return with a sample after I had ejaculated 40 times Ok Doc. See you tomorrow morning!"

"A magic tractor was driving down a country road... When suddenly it turned into a field!"

"What did the dragon say as he entered the party? Hey, how are you *Alduin*?"

"What's the difference between a microwave and anal sex? A microwave won't Brownen your meat"

"....and that's how I ended up laying on the bedroom floor with a potato stuck in my ass."

"How do you play the Oscar Pistorius drinking game? Every time your girlfriend goes to the bathroom, take two shots"