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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a microwave and anal sex? A microwave won't Brownen your meat"

"Why do aliens always disembark via ramp? Do they have problems with stairs? Or are flying saucers just handicap-accessible?"

"The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, ""Living the dream"" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys."

"It's impossible to lick your elbow. You never let me. Please. I want this."

"What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire"

"So my girlfriend came over and wanted breakfast So I offered her my personal salami and if she tried hard enough she could get some dipping sauce as well"

"If all the corner pieces of a cake are gone, I calmly pull the emergency icing out of my purse & frost the edges of an inside piece."

"Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt? A: The bucket."

"If I had a dollar for every gender... I'd have $1.79"

"When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes."