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Joke of the Day

"What is the new fad diet for ghost developers? The Boolean."

"[boarding plane with really old pilot] ""think his heart will hold out? lol"" attendent: excuse me, sir? ""depart out, what time do we leave?"""

"Cats always have an expression like they ordered 2 of everything on Amazon with your credit card while you were at work."

"They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me."

"Why did god give women legs? Have you ever seen the trail a snail leaves?"

"To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again."

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."

"""Whose funeral was this photo taken at?"" John, serious tone: ""I dunno. Let's see who's missing"" possible funniest thing john has said"

"Is your refrigerator running? Better go catch it!"

"1:40am. I get up to pee and step on a squeaky dog toy. He grabs a bat by the bed and yells, ""Fried chicken!"" So are the days of our lives."