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Joke of the Day

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."

"Could use a class in what to do with my hands at a concert."

"My friend does a weekly bad joke Tuesday... Today's was quite good (Bad?) Yesterday, I made a belt out of old watches. What a complete waist of time."

"Our co-op has the most amazing locally grown, organic ibuprofen right now."

"I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got."

"If I got a dime for every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be asking people why they're giving me dimes."

"Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans? 'Cuz they were stalin'!"

"Once an American asked a Mexican.. ""What separates dogs and Mexicans?"" The Mexican said, ""A border""."

"There's an ISIS comedy night coming up... I would go but i'm fairly certain they're all going to bomb."

"Cop: Have you been drinking? Me: *sips beer Cop: That was stupid. Me: So was your question."