146365

Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, ""Man it's hot in here"" The other muffin turns and screams"" Holy fuck a talking muffin!"""

Next Joke
 
"Did anyone hear about the fat priest? He never exorcised."
"*puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws"
"Charities - Because nothing shows how far your 2/month could go than a 100 million advertising campaign."
"(Animal spelling bee) Owl: Your word is Mississippi Snake: M I Sssssss Sssssssss Badger: *in audience* OH FFS THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER"
"I met a deaf gynecologist today.. Apparently, he reads lips. (Obligatory: posted this in /r/dadjokes, thought this sub might like it as well.)"
"[blind date] (don't let her know ur a dog walker) ""So what do u do?"" Well, I'm like a- [13 dogs jump up on the table and eat her dinner]"
"Ronda Rouseys next fight has been announced! Ronda Rousey V. Crippling Depression"
"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick in a McChicken."
"Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret."