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Joke of the Day

"Aspirin Before climbing into bed, a man sets down a glass of water and an aspirin on his wife's bedside table. ""What's this for? I don't have a headache"" she says. ""Good. Let's fuck."""

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"You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog"
"Events like the death of the Indian gang-rape victim just help remind me why I hate humans so much."
"A bullet hit chuck norris yesterday Today is the bullet's funeral"
"Wife said since she got bangs she misses her eyebrows. I told her to think of her bangs as one big eyebrow. I shouldn't talk anymore."
"This joke is brought to you by Arnold Schwarzeneggers one-sided chess set. ""I'll be black"""
"[Skype] ME: Finally I see your face and wow. HIM: [naked] Where are you?! ME: Starbucks. Wanna meet a few friends? They like your tweets."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bowl ! Bowl who ? Bowl me over !"
"I told Cheryl Cole I was taking her to Scandinavia for a weeks holiday. ""Norway?"" ""No, I'm serious."""
"[On a date] Date: So what do you do? Me: I'm a taxidermist Date: Oh... wow. Fox: And a ventriloquist"