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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I'v never paid $20 to have a garbanzo bean on my face"

"""Nothing there? Better bark at it."" - a dog"

"Moths are the hobos of the insect world."

"She uses her boyfriends toothbrush without his knowledge and wears his underwear every day....I eat a dog biscuit ONCE and I'M the weirdo???"

"Why do the French eat snails? Because they don't like fast food."

"When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number"

"[interview] ""What's your strongest trait?"" My fingers. ""No, like... Are you pinching me??"" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB"

"""If I weigh 400 pounds and can lift 600 pounds, shouldn't I be able to fly by lifting the chair I'm sitting in?"""

"I wish cops cared about me wearing a condom as much as they care about me wearing a seat belt."

"I could win an Olympic gold medal If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid"