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Joke of the Day

"[interview] ""What's your strongest trait?"" My fingers. ""No, like... Are you pinching me??"" GIVE ME [fighting to maintain pinch] THE JOB"

"*aggressively skips to my Lou*"

"Robin: ""Please?"" Batman: ""No."" ""It's prom!"" ""You can't drive the Batmobile!"" Alfred: ""Can I? It's Bingo night."" Batman: *tosses keys*"

"Another yo momma joke Yo momma so fat she emits more gravity waves than colliding black holes"

"Apparently when I'm at Olive Garden I'm family. So why did they call the cops when I left without paying? My family never makes me pay."

"What's the hardest thing about roller blading? Hearing that fucking joke all day."

"If you've already died hard, how can you die harder, with a vengeance, live free and die hard again and then find a good day to die hard?"

"Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two? Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!"

"If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's Day, just remember.. Nobody loves you on the other days of the year either."

"An arsonist is hired to burn down a slaughterhouse... The job was well done."