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Joke of the Day

"Captain America outsources much of his crime fighting to Captain India."

"Justin Bieber was caught smoking weed. Right now weed is denying it to its cool friends."

"What do you call a bad Cubs game? Unbearable"

"My kid is singing ""Mac-n-cheese"" to the tune of ""Stand by Me."" You guys just tried it, didn't you?"

"How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty! Thought of you guys!"

"Sometimes I think my dog is only interested in food, then I realise that's mostly all I'm interested in as well. He's alright."

"First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air."

"Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it's probably just as well real lightsabers aren't available yet."

"Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed."

"I'm at a bar in the United States and there's still a lot of white people who are way too confident with their dancing abilities."