218776

Joke of the Day

"I was reading in the paper... And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""How could anyone stoop so low?"""

"I broke up with my girlfriend when I found out she only has 4 toes on each foot.... Turns out I'm lack-toes intolerant.."

"Good news: Your wit is really mind-blowing Bad news: It's not my mind that I want blown"

"English teachers' favorite knock-knock joke Knock-knock Who's there? To To who? *To whom*"

"I think that this entire Jared thing will just end up resulting in a teeny jail sentence."

"Looking to marry a pharmacist. Looks and personality optional. Just don't lose your job."

"My sister teaches 1st grade. A boy in her class had a tantrum and screamed ""I hate you!"" and she gently replied ""I know. It doesn't matter."""

"I love playing catch with my dogs when I'm drunk, because I don't have dogs when I'm sober."

"I know the rule: if you're dreaming and you're about to pee, wake up! But last night I found myself about to pee on Emma Watson, and man, I just had to see where that one was going."

"adult coping mechanisms: drinking, Netflix, pretending nothing's wrong"