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Joke of the Day

"I know the rule: if you're dreaming and you're about to pee, wake up! But last night I found myself about to pee on Emma Watson, and man, I just had to see where that one was going."

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"I like my coffee black... like it's waiting for it's welfare check."
"Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!"
"One night a woman undressed in front of her husband... ""what turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?"" Asked the wife The husband looked her up an down an said, ""your sense of humor."""
"Another casualty of 2016... Ronda Rousey's MMA career"
"An Australian travels to Houston for business, and sees who he suspects to be a famous football player. So he decides to ask him.... You Watt, mate?"
"Are you a shark, cause I got some swimmers for you to swallow."
"He always tells the jokes out of order Why would Tarantino be a terrible comedian?"
"Actions speak louder than words when you smack someone in the back of the head with a shovel"
"How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. The hard part is getting them into the light bulb."