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Joke of the Day

"Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple."

"What's the difference between a pre-pickled pickle and an ice tray full of semen? One of them is a cucumber and the other is a cumcuber."

"Why do they call Hannibal Lecter ""The Mail Man""? He always delivers."

"All my chainsaws broke last night... I guess you can call it a chainsaw massacre. I'll walk my self out now..."

"Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she'd just Let It Go. As told to me by my 5 year-old daughter"

"Chuck norris is so fast that he can run around the world once and kick himself in the back of the head"

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"If you want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with ""I shouldn't be telling you this"""

"Where do cats go to vacation? Meowi"

"Jimmy: Khaleesi, of course means Queen. What's your real name again? Khaleesi (Kristen Wiig): Karen"