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Joke of the Day

"When I was twelve, I jammed a tile from a Scrabble set into a Nerf gun and shot my brother in the forehead, killing him instantly. It was an accident though, I thought it was a ""blank""."

"""You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources"" -The Credible Hulk"

"Ever since my wife's miscarriage she's been drinking a lot Which is ironic because thats how she got into this situation"

"If you were a dog, you would be a hot dog."

"Why didn't Hitler drink? It made him mean."

"I went to bed with a 7 and woke up with a 10. Forced upgrades should be illegal, Microsoft."

"Hit my neighbor's cat last night Quick little bastard, I had to cross two lanes to get him"

"What's the difference between Arabs and Americans? American kids come home from boyscouts"

"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."

"So, it is clear now that the only person who can stop a Trump presidency is Hillary Clinton... ...by conceding in favour of Bernie Sanders."