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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Hitler drink? It made him mean."

"[Dirty] How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave? I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection."

"Christmas Presents To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today."

"What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef but you can't pea soup!"

"What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? An ass that will bring a tear to your eye."

"What's the diffrence between a Chickpea and a Gorbanzo bean? I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face."

"What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common? ...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican."

"[Bob Dylan giving singing lessons] I'd like you to sing it again, but this time plug your nose and put these 5 marbles in your mouth."

"Why don't robots have any brothers? They all have transisters."

"I want to meet the actors who get turned down to act in infomercials. Then I would ask them how their brother Alec Baldwin is doing."