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Joke of the Day

"whats the difference between a Mexican and a park bench? the park bench can hold a family of four"

"The thought of Aortic Dissection just tears me up inside."

"What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living? A bad gambler"

"I was in a cafe the other day when I overheard this: ""Can you please stop listening to our conversation?"""

"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She holds the bulb up to the socket and then expects the world to revolve around her."

"When it comes down to it, the most important thing you can do everyday is not die."

"I was devastated to find my first love in bed with my own father. ""We've been through this,"" said Mom."

"Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly. Edit: an adverb."

"Apple has solved laptop theft by making them obsolete by the time thieves get out the door."

"Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break."