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Joke of the Day

"Remember kids, you only burn in hell if you are religious."

"What vegetables do plumbers hate the most? Leeks"

"""I'll sleep when I'm bread."" -Dough"

"Have you heard about the music stores percussion sale? Their prices can't be beat Have you heard about their guitar sale? The prices are solo"

"I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy ...and my face smashes right into the mirror."

"How many Mexicans does it take to build a Holy Shit they're done!"

"If ever you feel unlucky you are. the world is 4.6 billion years old and you somehow managed to exist at the same time as Donald Trump."

"WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes"

"I've been doing this new program called 'Cooking with Nature: Chinese Edition' You'd think it would be tough, but it's just a wok in the park."

"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever."