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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: What are you doing? ME: [struggling on floor] Yoga WIFE: At the bottom of the stairs? ME: WIFE: You fell down the stairs ME: Yes"

"Pfft. Of course I know pound town has nothing to do with pound cake. Everyone knows that. *slides fork into back pocket, fights back tears*"

"How do you get a baby into a shoebox? A. With a blender. Q. How do you get a baby out of a shoebox? A. With a straw."

"fight club I went to my first fight club meeting last night, i showed up late so i missed the first few rules but it was awesome i love fight club cant wait for the next meeting"

"It must have been pretty easy for The Beatles to say ""All You Need is Love"" since they were fucking millionaires."

"What kind of bee can never make up its mind? A maybe"

"What do you call a moody bear? A bi-polar bear."

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."

"How does Jesus like his hotwings? Tinder and Mild."

"My Grandfather had the heart of a Lion and a lifetime BAN from the city Zoo."