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Joke of the Day

"[OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup."

"do the people in Fiji know we pay 4 dollars for their tap water"

"Having gay parents must be horrible You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of ""go ask your mom"""

"I don't understand you,"" cried my girlfriend. ""One minute you're really offensive to me and the next you're really polite."" ""Bitch, please,"" I said"

"What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato."

"I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight."

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"Chicks must text each other ""sausage fest"" like it's a good thing."

"I bought a parrot... And it could talk. But it did not say ""I'm hungry."" So it died."

"I always cry after sex. God, I fcuking hate prison!!!!!!!"