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Joke of the Day

"For Christmas, every year, I get my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"how did the gamete get rich? because sex cells... Thank you thank you i'll be here all week."

"Bought some sneakers from my drug dealer... Not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day!"

"Why did the case against the great dessert robber get thrown out? De minimis non curat lex."

"Whenever I tell dad jokes he laughs."

"People say to enjoy the messes your kids leave, because you'll miss them when they're grown and gone. I like to call those people liars."

"Does a cow give milk? No, they have to take it from her"

"How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You wave hello!"

"There's no 72 virgins, guess where terrorists actually go when they die? *explosion* EVERYWHERE!"

"All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn't want to talk to you."