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Joke of the Day

"Three tampons are walking down the street, which one says hi first? None of them. They were all stuck up cunts."

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"""You a cop?"" UNDERCOVER COP: No. ""So you wouldn't mind if I ... threw these donuts away?"" UC: *sweats profusely*"
"""Why did he win?! Anyone who supports Trump is nuts!"" said the Hillary supporter, fully unaware that cashews alone outnumber humans 50 to 1 ..."
"What's the difference between a yoghurt and America? If you leave a yoghurt for 200 years, it will eventually develop a culture. Plus the yoghurt's fat free."
"911: Sir, I understand you think it did it against your will and was aggressive but we can't arrest an auto flush toilet. Me: I WASNT READY"
"My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full."
"how do you drown a blonde? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool"
"I bought some shoes from my drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day."
"Most people call me ""bad at pickup lines"" But you? You can call me tonight."
"I was at the theatre seeing a tragedy and the man behind me started wailing. I got hit in the head with a harpoon."