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Joke of the Day

"""You a cop?"" UNDERCOVER COP: No. ""So you wouldn't mind if I ... threw these donuts away?"" UC: *sweats profusely*"

"Apparently, ""I had an interview with a better company"" is not an acceptable reason for being late for work."

"I said Jesus take the wheel. He said I no have license, amigo."

"Did you hear about jared from subway? ""Yea he lost like 200 pounds"""

"Just googled ""who is Gossip Girl?"" and swear I heard my mom whisper ""you're one of us now."""

"I update my Facebook picture to a jail mugshot over the holidays so my family will go visit someone else."

"My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes."

"Boss: You need to work on your puncuality. Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place. Boss: ....?"

"I started studying art history. I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing."

"Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up... Technically, I'm second to nun."