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Joke of the Day

"I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case."

"""That's nice dear."" -Grandmas version of ""cool story bro."""

"What did the sassy monkey say to the bad monkey? You don't deserve a banana."

"Two vampires walk into a bar One orders a glass of blood, the other orders a glass of plasma. The bartender replies, ""So one blood and a blood light."""

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain."

"50 cent files for bankruptcy He only had 50 cent"

"The White Stripes Knock, knock! Who's there? Meg White's most complex drumbeat. --- ^(Stolen from 4chan's /mu/ board: http://redd.it/2cl0cw)"

"Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow? So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate."

"I had a bukkake party last night. You should have come"

"this joke has no title What did this joke's mother say to it? ""You're not going anywhere!"" geddit?"