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Joke of the Day

"What does a crappy Carpenter make? Loose stools"

"How do you have sex with a fat chick?! Roll her in flour and tickle the wet spots."

"I admitted to my crush that I have feelings for her, but she told me she's only attracted to assholes Which is awesome, because now she won't leave mine alone!"

"A Blanket? It would be a fukkit."

"What do male lawyers call a female barrister? A barista. Because they're only good for making coffee."

"My friend David lost his ID yesterday... We just call him Dav now"

"Yo mama is so old. Yo mama is so old that in her history class they just wrote down what they where doing."

"What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby? You're just going to have to be a little patient."

"Want to hear a good construction joke? I'm still working on it..."

"I gave my girlfriend a picture of me for her birthday It was a gif."