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Joke of the Day

"I renew my ages-old wish that there was a CD of nothing but SNL closing-credits music that you could play to get people to leave your house."

"What is the most dishonest fish in the ocean? A lionfish"

"""ARGHH A HOUSE SPIDER"" [spider removes earbuds] ""yah actually im more into ambient trance but whatever"""

"The oral sex with my imaginary girlfriend is mind-blowing."

"If we put aside our differences and work together, I truly believe we can come up with a few more alternate spellings of the name Britney."

"What do you call a trapped fly in a frying pan of stir fry? Your mum"

"What's a sheep's favorite type of alcohol? Mutton-schnapps."

"How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room."

"I'd rather pick my nose in traffic than arrive at my destination with a crusty booger. Anyone who says different is a liar."

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb? YOU WANNA GO RIDE BIKES??"