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Joke of the Day

"When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers."

"Dark humor? Is slightly darker humor acceptable for this sub? Just wondering..."

"What is ET short for? Because he has short legs"

"You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead."

"I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar."

"16: 'We should put a flat screen on the wall!' Wife: 'I really don't like mounting things.' Me: *mumbles 'No shit.' W: 'What was that??'"

"What's white and can't climb trees? A refrigerator"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bhuto ! Bhuto who ? Bhuto-n the other foot !"

"Whats the difference between a zombie and baby? A zombie may eat your brains, but a baby kills your dreams."

"Son: Mom mom at school they call me a liar Mom: Shut up, you dont even go to school"