217876

Joke of the Day

"I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward."

"Did you hear about the Mayweather X Pacquiao fight? The bout was declared a bore."

"Who wins in a race to San Francisco, the lesbian couple or the gay couple? The lesbians. They get there lickity split while the gays are still packin it in!"

"*pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house."

"If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills."

"Did you hear the one about the Mormon porn star? They spent a year doing missionary work."

"How many Russians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and other to drink until the room spins."

"Reddit users love reading the same thing again and again. Here's proof...."

"Optimus Prime: ""I transform from a robot into a truck. You?"" Amazon Prime: ""I transform money into regrettable internet purchases at 2 AM."""

"I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related."