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Joke of the Day

"*pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house."

Next Joke
 
"Hey, man. Can I get a cold one? ""Sorry sir, the morgue is closed after 6."""
"My mom took my child into a store and left me in line to wait for Santa by myself, so now I look like a narcissistic creeper-thanks mom."
"Is it just me...... or does anybody else find pressing F5 refreshing ?"
"I love that tower in France I hear it's an eye full"
"How do you circumcise a hillbilly ? Kick his sister in the jaw"
"My eHarmony Application was Rejected Apparently, ""My dick"" was not an acceptable answer to question #14: ""What do you like most in a woman?"""
"My wife cheated on me after I told her about my watchmaker buddy... I guess I should get a big clock, too."
"If anyone wants a tiger let me know. I bought one but he's being a d-bag and won't wear the matching sunglasses I bought us."
"What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on? Cot-on-wool."