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Joke of the Day

"Christmas is becoming like that creepy friend that shows up to the party too early. The party starts at 7:00, why are you here at 4:30!?!!"

"My ex-wife still misses me... But her aim is gettin better."

"Two lorry's crashed into each other, one containing terrapins the other containing tortoises... It was a turtle disaster."

"A jogger just yelled at me for accidentally blowing pot smoke in his face. So I yelled at him for making me feel fat."

"Genius move, Romeo & Juliet, for killing yourselves instead of getting married and spending the rest your lives wanting to kill each other."

"HOW DO PIGS TALK? SWINE LANGUAGE."

"If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazine for the articles?"

"Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss"

"How many engineers do you need to change a lightbulb ? You can take as many as you want but they will only give you the screwing direction."

"I farted on the train and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice. (Not an original joke)"