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Joke of the Day

"In a physio waiting room amongst athletes comparing their stories. I can't wait until my turn when I tell them I slept wrong on my pillow."

"Interviewer: congrats you got the security guard job Me: *already asleep on a folding chair* Interviewer: hang on u don't start til monday"

"Never break someone's heart because they have only one inside...break their bones because they have 206 of them."

"What's ET's first name? Spag."

"Who wants to join me in quest to warn teenagers about the harms of plucking your eyebrows too thin?"

"Where does one apply to be a ""kept man""?"

"""Hitting it hard as shit"" and ""tickling the hole"" are not phrases that I would have associated with golf before today"

"1995: the information superhighway will mean anyone can do anything from anywhere 2015: must be willing to relocate to San Francisco"

"Any day now Trump and Pence are going to pull off their masks and reveal that they're Kang and Kodos from The Simpsons"

"Did you hear about the dog-walker that went missing? Police say they are following a few leads."