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Joke of the Day

"Who wants to join me in quest to warn teenagers about the harms of plucking your eyebrows too thin?"

"There's no I... in collaboration. Or denial."

"You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's."

"Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married."

"What's the hardest thing about roller blading? Hearing that fucking joke all day."

"You know what's the only difference between Martin Luther King day and St. Patrick's day? Everybody wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's day."

"What's the difference between a good joke and A bad joke timing"

"Did you hear the joke about a feminist? That isn't funny."

"No thanks, flu shot. I look forward to three days off from work and returning looking like I was on a diet for six weeks."

"Give a man a pizza and he eats for a day Teach a man how to make a pizza and he will work minimum wage"