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Joke of the Day

"My doctor said to be careful when i drive underground with other people in the car Otherwise i might get carpool tunnel syndrome"

"i'm going to sell a drink called ""responsibly"" so after every liquor ad when they say ""drink responsibly"" hey free advertising boom i win"

"How are Roman Polanski and pimples similar? Both cum on your face when you're 13. How are Roman Polanski and body hair similar? Both cum on your ass when you're 13."

"What is heavy forward but not backward? **ton**"

"I wish I could reenact the fantasy scenes from 50 Shades Of Gray Like the one where she gets a job right out of college."

"[kelloggs meeting] ""okay so, the corn flakes box, what can we put on it?"" a chicken ""jim is there something wrong at home?"""

"Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand... ...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis."

"What do you call a pirates thong? A whispering eye patch."

"Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last book you read."

"if you whisper ""snapchat"" in the mirror 3 times a white girl will appear and say ""hold on let me grab my Bacardi before you take the pic!"""