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Joke of the Day

"i'm going to sell a drink called ""responsibly"" so after every liquor ad when they say ""drink responsibly"" hey free advertising boom i win"

"Why do seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper makes them sneeze."

"What do you get if you combine a sheep and a kangaroo? A woolly jumper."

"What's Gordon Ramsey's second favorite movie? FROZE-- oh, nevermind."

"It's a shock to me that people actually pay their student loans. That's a bill I gave to Jesus"

"It makes me so mad when people use the word ""gay"" as an insult ..fucking assholes"

"Why couldn't JFK become a boxer? Because he couldn't take a shot to the head."

"So women draw their eyebrows on daily, and nothing is said. I sharpie on a beard for movember and suddenly everyone has something to say."

"Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together"

"What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane ? A dandy lion !"