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Joke of the Day

"if you whisper ""snapchat"" in the mirror 3 times a white girl will appear and say ""hold on let me grab my Bacardi before you take the pic!"""

"What's a meth head's favourite thing about Halloween? Only two more sleeps till Christmas!"

"Once, in 2006, I stayed off the internet for an entire 19 minutes."

"Arrived home last night to find a man trying to steal my front gate. I didn't abuse him though, I thought he may take a fence."

"Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!"

"""Are you sure this lawyer is good?"" Yeah, why? ""He pronounced sue like sway"""

"Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career? She had no sense of porpoise."

"""Why don't you have kids yet?"" is a great question, ma'am, but I'm saving that conversation for the right total stranger at this gym."

"Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone's kid, and a headache"

"My ex broke up with me but left a bag of chips in my car. 3 weeks passed and I texted ""I still got your chips if you want them."""