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Joke of the Day
"Fire destroys bloodmobile; blood bank trying to B positive about it"
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"When it comes down to it, the most important thing you can do everyday is not die."
"Did you hear about the Woodstock Killer? He was charged for murder within tents."
"[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]"
"Thanks for warning me to be careful after I slipped & fell. I'll be sure to wish you luck on your lab test results at your funeral."
"Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick."
"Programmed Siri to respond to any request with ""That's what she said."""
"Why did god invent the yeast infection? So women would know what it's like living with an irritating cunt."
"A woman turns to her husband and asks... ""Dear, how many women have you slept with?"" He replied, ""Just you dear, the other ones kept me awake."""
"Blind people Gotta hand it to them."