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Joke of the Day

"[serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left"

"Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station? It is a day to be tankful."

"Just got a residual check for 6 dollars for my scene in Almost Famous sooo...going to Vegas!!!!!!!!"

"The other day my daughter said, ""Mold is so gross."" I told her to ""respect its culture."""

"My mum told my girlfriend that I'm a big softy. She said, ""No he isn't, he's not even big when he's erect."""

"What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r? Neighbor"

"Q: What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film? A: ""Some day my prints will come."""

"What's the difference between a Snowman and a Snow- woman?? Snowballs..."

"I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed."

"yeah i like going to the gym. if by gym you mean beer and Netflix. 20 billion RTs 1 trillion favs, rted by the official white house twitter"