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Joke of the Day

"[serial killers talking] Anyway I stood there for like 10 minutes, but she never wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror so I just left"

"Who's the world most famous blacksmith? Will Smith"

"This fellow said to me 'You speak in a odd way, have you come from abroad?' To which I replied 'Steady on fellow, I would kindly ask you not to speak of my mother in such a fashion!'"

"Doctor doctor I can't concentrate one minute I'm ok and the next minute I'm blank! And how long have you had this complaint? What complaint?"

"I've been stealing retainers and throwing them in a swamp so that in 1000 or so year archeologists think it's an ancient nerd burial ground"

"Why did the tomato blush when it saw the salad dressing? It was embarrassed."

"I was trying to work out what that flying red disk was But then it hit me"

"I hate leaving when my phone isn't charged to 100%"

"Even on my death bed my wife will be telling me how she had a worse day than me."

"Gosh, hell must be really awkward. I mean there's Hitler, and all the Jews."