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Joke of the Day

"I'll straight up dive off a cutting board and cut shit on a diving board I don't give a shit anymore."

"What's the difference between a frog? One leg's both the same."

"Help! I'm a fat man trapped in a skinny body!"

"This Halloween I will be dressing up as Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 by RSVPing to all possible parties & attending absolutely none of them."

"If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can't speak English..."

"Alcohol is our worst enemy Good thing Jesus taught us all to love our enemies."

"94% of my workout regimen is reading things online that make me so angry I shake"

"A naked woman robbed a bank... No one could remember her face."

"What makes Mercy such a good medic? It must be her high heals."

"I'm not homeless, but a lot of homeless things happen to me."