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Joke of the Day

"Why is it best to ask photographers personal questions at night? (X-post r/photography) Because they open up when it gets dark."

"Hillary Clinton says to the Devil, ""What happened? You promised me that I'd win the election?"" The Devil replies, ""Yeah, and you promised me a soul."""

"Why did... Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Ha Ha Ha Ha"

"My dad got fired from the local calendar shop He kept taking days off"

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"SCIENCE: If you have another person posing with you in your twitter avatar, 100% of the time you're the uglier one."

"You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon."

"How did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms"

"I have two dance styles: Sober, dancing silly as a ""joke"" or drunk dancing with confidence, same exact moves."

"What does Green Day say before bed? Green night"