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Joke of the Day

"I have two dance styles: Sober, dancing silly as a ""joke"" or drunk dancing with confidence, same exact moves."

"DOCTOR: Here's some medicine, for your well-being. GUY WHO HAS SOMEONE CAPTIVE IN HIS WELL: *thinking* How does he know about the Well Being"

"okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?"

"What do you get if you take your computer to an ice rink? A slipped disk."

"What do you call a cat sitting on the edge of a cliff? A precipuss."

"I can't stop traveling to Southern Spain. It's all so Moorish."

"*overeats sugar* *gets diabetes* *gets limbs amputated* *can finally smile authentically in pics now that not worried what to do with hands*"

"I lie in the bath for hours. But I try to tell the truth the rest of the time."

"Did you hear about the epileptic midget who works at the pizzeria? They call him Little Seizures."

"I had three girlfriends once and that was the worst recess ever."