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Joke of the Day

"I have two dance styles: Sober, dancing silly as a ""joke"" or drunk dancing with confidence, same exact moves."

"Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?! Years?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"Why do pigs run from medicine? They hate getting cured."

"Look out man! You know the difference between driving in the fog and 69ing is? You can't see the asshole in front of you driving in the fog."

"why dont women drive? because theres not road from the bed room to the kitchen"

"I was asked who my favourite X-men was the other day... Apparently Caitlyn Jenner was inappropriate."

"My stages of awkward: Sober me: I don't know what to do with my hands Drunk me: I don't know what to do with my face High me: What face?"

"ATTENTION: Can the owner of the 'MarioKart Champion' tshirt return to security? There are several women here who'd like to have sex with you"

"A guy goes into a military surplus store... ..and asks the owner if he has any camouflage jackets. He says, ""I've got hundreds, but I can't find any of them!"""

"Why do the Chinese remember more then everyone else All their memories are in wide screen."