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Joke of the Day
"How did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms"
Next Joke
"I like my violence how I like my beer... Domestic."
"A teenager was stabbed to death in a shopping mall over a stolen pair of trainers. Those security guards don't fuck about."
"That which does not kill me... should run."
"Why did Princess Dianna cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt."
"Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat."
"I love people who IM me to tell me that they left a voice message to say that they sent me an email"
"If a deadly alligator appears in the instant after you tell your friends you'll see them later there is literally no way to warn them"
"I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper."
"Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!"