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Joke of the Day
"What does Green Day say before bed? Green night"
Next Joke
"Money was so tight last Xmas I had to sell a kidney for gifts. And this year it's getting so bad, I may even have to sell one of my own."
"Bouncer: Woah. Dress code Me: This is a suit B: Yeah, a chicken suit. *puts nugget in bouncer's pocket *pats it M: We good? B: Have fun, sir"
"It's actually pretty convenient the Alan Rickman died so soon after David Bowie. You can just move your lightning bolt up a few inches for the funeral and fit right in."
"A good way to know you'll be paying more than 5 dollars for a coffee is if the guy making it looks like one of the Lumineers."
"Where does Muscle Milk come from? Muscle mammary"
"A woman always gets the last word in an argument, because anything a man says after that is the first words in a new argument."
"When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts."
"Why are you so gay? Because you are happy."
"Is the subscribed to r/jokes number a joke? I laughed but still. I find it unlikely that a quarter billion people subscribed to r/jokes"