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Joke of the Day

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"Why shouldn't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's a woman."

"The three unwritten rules for success and hapiness 1. 2. 3."

"what would you call superman if he was deaf and mexican? No hero"

"""Knock knock"" If you hear knocking come from your screen then you definitely need to go and see an expert."

"When I was young I had a fairy God mother. She said I could have one wish, either a long memory or a long penis. I can't remember what I asked for."

"Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog"

"If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine."

"The Boston Bruins had a good chance of beating the Leafs... ...but they totally bombed it."

"Hey, strippers named ""Elantra"". It's too late to grow some self respect but at least read Car and Driver before picking a name."