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Joke of the Day

"Hey Ben Carson, at this point in your craziness? Just say you're Iron Man. What could it hurt?"

"Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass afterdrinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made ofhimself."

"Man, 2016 really has killed everybody: In November alone we lost Leonard Cohen, Florence Henderson... ...and America."

"To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today."

"TIL ""saltpeter"" is a casual term for potassium nitrate. The more you KNO..."

"I was telling a great joke about the importance of the guillotine in the French Revolution... But it didn't really land. I guess execution really is key"

"""I've been a bad girl,"" she said. ""I need to be punished."" So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop."

"How many pirates does it take to screw in a lightbulb in China? "

"I'm convinced that Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live."

"Headaches aren't real.. They're all in your head."