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Joke of the Day

"They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. I have to work tomorrow."

"Before you say you ""value my opinion,"" just know if a genie granted me 3 wishes, one of them would be to star in Sister Act 3."

"Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere"

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean...? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"[describing criminal to sketch artist] His breath smelled like rotten eggs & bad cheese so draw a lot of those smelly lines by his mouth"

"Somebody told me that rum and coke wasn't the answer to my problems. I told them that it might not be the answer, but it was certainly a solution."

"What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants? Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!"

"What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit? I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green."

"Two strings walk into a bar The first one says, ""I'll have a rum and cokeazx36@#&-334"". The second one says, ""Excuse my friend, he's not null terminated""."

"Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally.... So I was like na, more like pirate and booty."