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Joke of the Day

"Man, CNN is so stupid. CNN is so stupid, when they wanted to do a report on Portland counter-culture, they went to a granite shop."

"NYPD officers accidentally shot two tourists in Times Square, but in the cop's defense, the tourists were about to eat at Olive Garden"

"What did the guy who got fired for always being late say? It was just a matter of time."

"I hate when i'm trying to blow out birthday candles and little kids try to do it with me excuse u it's not ur birthday so take a step back"

"When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle."

"The rotation of Earth always makes my day. Makes my night too."

"Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C! [ I'm^so^sorry ]"

"Did you hear about a reddit user creating a new website? He wanted the name to remind him of the time when 4chan users went to 8chan. So in light of the circumstances he named it regreddit.com"

"What's the United States favorite brand of shortening? San Fran Crisco"

"I blame 2 of my 3 DUIs on Jesus because I specifically told him to take the wheel"