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Joke of the Day

"Bloke walks up and asks ""Do you prefer long legs or short?"", so I reply ""I prefer something in between"""

"Why are clouds like jockeys? Because they hold the reins!"

"WIFE: Where's the dog? *flashback to me giving him the keys to the car to get more beer* ME: I let him outside."

"""I just need some space."" - astronaut break up"

"Dating is like a 2-day-old box of chocolates. The good ones are already taken."

"Why did the pickle stop being a contortionist? It was to cucumbersome."

"Why did the poor art collector only buy miniature paintings? He wanted more Monet in his wallet."

"Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide."

"What did Santa say to the three prostitutes? (Pointing to each in turn) Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there"