89623

Joke of the Day

"""I just need some space."" - astronaut break up"

"I'm still a little pissed we didn't get to keep the tail through the evolutionary process."

"Breakdown of time spent cleaning my office: 5% Cleaning 95% Studying long forgotten artifacts of my past"

"I beat my wife at dominos the other night. She needs to learn that I choose the pizza toppings."

"Women are like cars. We want the ones that look AND work the best, but none of us have the money."

"Matthew McConaughey's car can't make left turns. This is very dangerous. He should get that repaired"

"Where did the memes make their last stand? The Aylmao"

"Why are so many Italians named Tony? Because when they left the old country, immigration officers put a sticker on their lapel that read To NY."

"A heart-shaped pizza just means less pizza and that's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make for love."

"If a small quiz is a quizicle then a small test is a testicle My science teacher told us this."