225572

Joke of the Day

"Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide."

"Have you ever smelled moth balls? How did you get those tiny little legs apart?"

"bill cosby's full name is ""bill sinby over tanby"""

"ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*"

"""Beatles or Stones?"" I asked my son. ""Why can't we have something normal for dinner?"" He said"

"I have a real super power of stopping bullets with my face... once."

"What's pink and gray and wrinkly and old and belongs to Grandpa monster? - Grandma monster"

"How do you know Stephen Hawking has jungle fever? He knows a lot about black holes"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number that you'll never understand."

"[Court] ""Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"" Me: yes. *GF from the back* DO THESE PANTS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?"