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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I squat on the floor, put my arms around my knees and lean forward... because that's how I roll."

"The early bird needs to shut the fcuk up."

"How do the Chinese pick a name for their child? They throw a spoon down the stairs"

"A recent study showed that 93% of the people in Detroit have had shower sex The other 7% have not been to jail."

"Best thing about living in NY is you can order anything, anytime, and 30 minutes later it shows up. You see here? This here is an orangutan."

"Your personality finally matches your looks. That's not a compliment."

"I wish I was a little bit kidding when I say that I just chose peanut M&Ms over regular ones because protein"

"What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady? And we will never know because he can't stand up."

"What's the difference between a gun and a feminist? One of them doesn't throw a fit when triggered."

"I'm playing dead at work right now so nobody will talk to me. Everyone is screaming. Probably should have used less fake blood."